I was bred to chase after deer

and bears in the wilderness.

Now I’m lucky if I get a chance

to catch a bird, frog or mouse.

All I do is lumber down

the walk every morning,

pick up the newspaper,

and bark like a rabid dog

when strangers stroll by.

I don’t understand why Master

keeps throwing a ball, demanding

I retrieve it over and over again,

even when he tosses it in the ocean

where I freeze my cajones off

returning his stupid ball.

Human beings have no common sense.

I don’t get the respect I deserve

as a pedigreed Silver Cloud animal.

I’m treated like an ordinary mutt,

pulled around by the neck

even when I’m taking a dump.

I hardly ever get petted,

and so housebound, don’t get

to run around outdoors.

I’m getting fat.

I guard the house day and night,

and get fed nothing but dog food.

He expects me to do simple-minded

tricks like rolling over and counting

with my front paws to earn a reward

of a tasteless dog biscuit.

One of these days,

I’m going to run away into the forest,

chase after a hungry grizzly bear

and sink my teeth into his furry paw.